Today, February 14, is the Day of Friendship and Love here in Mexico, known to us gringos as Valentine’s Day. Like most special occasions here, it’s a big deal. Every florist I passed on my morning commute has a plethora of displays – particularly red roses and balloons – spilling onto the sidewalk. And individual flower sellers are working busy street corners, drivers stopping to buy.

I love the sense of celebration in the air, the spirit of overt joyousness connected to love and friendship. It’s so refreshing compared to the embarrassed reluctance to admit feelings for another – particularly on the part of the male species – I’ve sensed up north. Fearing opening their hearts for even one day a year, the cover up can go something like, “I’m just to busy to worry about this kind of sh--. But maybe I’ll get my secretary to pick up some chocolates so I’m not in the doghouse.”

Could it be they’re missing the point? Valentine’s Day is about gratitude, a symbolic opportunity to show appreciation for those who add value to our lives. As Henry Ford once said: “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.” And sometimes, when the fates smile on us – and we allow it to be so, our best friend is also our life partner.

Because the Latin culture tends to be open emotionally – and Vallarta is recognized as the world’s friendliest city – meeting people here, exchanging smiles and pleasantries flows effortlessly. Being accepted into their close circles, however, takes time and patience, since coming from different cultures – particularly the gringo and Mexican ones, with so much negative historical baggage between them – can create a deep-seated mistrust that only time can disprove.

I imagine that “snowbirds,” those who regularly spend several months or so down south, can easily maintain two sets of friends, here and up north. Actually, because their lives are varied and full of new experiences, they’re likely sought-after companions. But when you live here year round, as I do and have for several years, holding onto relationships from the past becomes a challenge. And I’m not good at it.

The sad thing is, there are a handful of people I love very much and think about almost every day. But if I don’t tell them that, how are they to know? Is emailing them once or twice a year to express that sentiment enough? Perhaps, for a while, but eventually my “best friends” evolved into nothing more than comforting illusions.

Living in a resort where people come and go, there’s a danger of falling into superficial relationships rather than doing the hard work that solid ones require. One 50-something male friend, for example, contents himself with “time shares,” a revolving door of companions who require his attention just for the week or so they are here. And then they’re gone, replaced with others whenever he’s in the mood. So, he avoids real learning, since it’s through deep relationship with others that we truly learn about ourselves, including some things, perhaps, we’d rather not know. It’s not always easy. But it sure is worth it.

Not surprisingly, children thrive on friendship and love, too. And Sally Conley’s Biblioteca on Monday and Wednesday afternoons in Pitillal provides exactly that and more. All the children who show up – the core group about 20 kids from three to 13 – take turns playing computer games, doing puzzles, painting, sketching, learning English and reading and being read to while getting as much personal attention as possible and even Oreo cookies.
“Everyone gets to explore their potential in a safe and relaxed environment,” Conley says. “And we enjoy a wonderful interchange, like the fascinating conversation I had with an 11-year-old who wants to be a doctor.”

Volunteer Ginger Tyndal points out that, since most Vallarta schools don’t have art classes, this is a valuable opportunity for discovering creative potential. “These children really love building things and have an exceptional ability to do three-dimensional work,” she says.

Conley has never asked for financial support but, as the popularity of her program grows, it places quite a drain on her resources, including her energy. So, “some dependable helpers, who care enough to talk with and listen to the kids would be very much welcomed.” For more information, contact her at 224-2078 or sallyconley@pvnet.com.mx.

If you have any comments, questions or suggestions about what you’re reading, you’re encouraged to let me know at heather@mexmags.com.